Desire Came Back
The Moment I Stopped Fighting My Body
I spent years thinking that my desire disappeared because something inside me had shut off.
But the truth was simpler and more painful.
I had disconnected from my own body.
Every morning I would walk past the mirror and notice only the parts I wished were different. Every night I collapsed into bed without touching myself even once in a way that felt nurturing or affectionate. I was living inside my mind, not inside my skin.
Desire does not survive in that kind of distance.
Pleasure asks for closeness.
Closeness to sensation.
Closeness to breath.
Closeness to the body you live in today.
The turning point came during an ordinary shower.
Warm water hit my shoulders and instead of rushing through the routine, I paused. I noticed the sensation. The heat. The pressure. The feeling of my muscles slowly letting go. It was the first time in months I had felt something instead of thinking about something.
That single moment of presence changed everything.
It reminded me that my body was not the problem.
My disconnection from it was.
When I started paying attention to small sensations again, I felt myself coming back online. Not instantly and not dramatically, but steadily and quietly.
The warmth of a cup of tea in my hands.
The weight of a blanket across my hips.
The slow stretch of my body when I woke up.
These tiny experiences made me feel alive in a way I had not felt in a long time.
And when you feel alive, desire becomes possible again.
If you feel numb or distant from your sensual self, do not start with sex.
Start with sensation.
Start with one moment of awareness inside your body.
Let your body know you are listening again.
The Body pillar of the SHE BE ME framework teaches this truth.
Pleasure belongs to the body, not the mind.
When you return to your physical self, your sensuality returns to you.