It wasn’t some elaborate ritual. No silk robes. No chanting under the moonlight. No perfectly curated playlist.
It was just me. A single candle. Three slow breaths.
And in that small pause, my energy shifted. My shoulders dropped. My jaw unclenched. The static of “I still have 27 things to do” quieted just enough for me to feel my own body again.
Here’s the truth nobody really tells us: foreplay doesn’t start when hands meet skin. It starts much earlier—with how we treat our energy throughout the day.
When Wellness Is Foreplay
If your day is fueled by caffeine, stress, and sheer willpower, then when the lights go out at night, your body’s not whispering “yes.” It’s begging for rest.
Desire doesn’t disappear because you’re broken. It disappears because you’re depleted.
That’s the energy–desire loop.
When you tend to your body, mind, and spirit, desire naturally wakes up.
And when you give yourself permission for pleasure, your health thrives.
It’s not a straight line. It’s a feedback loop—one that too many of us forget exists until we’re staring at the ceiling wondering, “Why don’t I want it anymore?”Midlife Reality Check
Here’s where it gets even more important.
As we hit perimenopause and beyond, sensitivity changes. The clitoris and vaginal tissues may not respond the way they used to. Hormones shift. Fatigue creeps in. Stress stacks on top.
Suddenly, physical touch alone isn’t enough to get you where you want to go.
That’s not failure. That’s biology.
And it’s the reason why energy, emotion, and mental connection matter more than ever. You don’t wait around for desire to “arrive.” You create the conditions for it—through wellness, through energy, through simple rituals that turn your body back on.
A Tiny Ritual With a Big Payoff
Here’s what I did.
Lit a candle.
Placed one hand on my heart, the other on my belly.
Inhaled for four counts. Exhaled for six.
Imagined my breath moving in a loop—heart to pelvis, pelvis to heart.
Three minutes. That’s all.
And in those three minutes, I wasn’t thinking about laundry or deadlines or whether the dishwasher needed emptying. I was with me.
That’s how the loop reactivates.
Not with fireworks. Not with an instant orgasm. But with a flicker. A reminder that desire isn’t gone. It just needed an invitation.
Your Invitation Tonight
So tonight, try it.
Don’t overcomplicate it. Don’t set expectations. Just pause.
Light a candle.
Breathe.
Loop your energy between heart and pelvis.
And when you crawl into bed, notice how much softer, more open, more receptive you feel.
That’s foreplay. The kind that starts before anyone touches you. The kind that begins with energy, not effort.
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